Everything is Nothing

They used to be blissful: the pitter-patter of the rain on the roof, the smell of tea while curled up in bed. Lately though, the sounds have turned into rumblings, the smell gone. Almost unbearable. Almost oppressive.

From beginning to end, life is meaningless. We go through it like the little animals that we are, hoping to survive one day at a time. And along the way, we manage to pretend that there is something more to our temporal existence. One day, you wake up with the sudden conception that you were meant for something bigger, that yours was meant to be more than just another insignificant presence. Are you really? Is it really? Aren’t we all so conceited, to invent dreams and deceive ourselves into thinking that we actually matter. Because the frightening reality is– the universe can do perfectly well without us, that we really are just mere coincidences passing some time before we become the stuff of stars again.

I had not seen blue for days. Clouds dark and gray hung heavy from the sky, threatening. One drop, then another, and another. When the water started to trickle down my face, no matter how gray the clouds were, the rain was gentle. The rain is gentle.

Life has no purpose, and we were never predisposed for anything. We are meaningless. Existentially we never will have purpose nor meaning. So life is existentially simple. The complexity come along only when we start to place meanings in things, people, and actions. We are so stubborn and so caught up in searching for a life with meaning, an existence with purpose that the whole thing becomes an intolerable mess. Maybe it is human nature, to suffer yet silently relish this suffering. We simply cannot exist as we are. Existence precedes essence, and whatever the essence must be defined.

We suffer from corporeal and emotional pain; bleeding and weeping, yet we endure. Because you know what is so fascinating about a worldly existence? Is that all our discomfort and misery are temporary. Even happiness is fleeting. And many a time, happiness seems more temporary, yet it makes more sense to seek it

When you think about it, why are we scared of a pain so short-lived? In the grand scheme of things, your pain matters as much as you. It does not, even your happiness does not matter. But it just makes more sense that while we make use of the little consciousness the universe had granted us, we ought to enjoy it.

The rumbling stopped, and the the smell of the tea I’ve been drinking wafted through the air sweeter than before. The rain pittered-pattered on the roof, its sound was gentle.

Your pain is insignificant. Tell yourself to stop suffering, it’s okay. It’s perfectly okay. 

Trekking Juneau's famous Mt. Roberts

Where Have I Been?

When I decided to embark on what I believed was going to be a new adventure, I thought I would have the journey of a lifetime. To be frank, I somehow did. Part of it was a series of pathetic sobbing to the point of choking under the covers, but the other part was also a trip worthy of being labeled as cathartic ; it seemed to have opened so many things for me that despite of it being such a challenging way to live, I am still considering to go back. Continue reading

Rainbird Trail, Ketchikan, Alaska

From the great bald eagles to the towering glaciers, everything in Alaska is big. If you don’t believe me, google an aerial photo of Southeast Alaska, the state’s panhandle– Alaska is synonymous to immense. Its cities are located in the heart of the dense Tongass National Forest, the largest old-growth temperate forest in the world; 6.8 million hectares of cedar, spruce and hemlock trees and many other flora, home to thousands of endemic and migratory fauna. Alaska is a haven for the nature lover. Continue reading

Nawiliwili, Hawaii April 2014

Good Morning

“Joan! Did you see the sunset?!” Ari yelled from the other side of the galley.

“Huh?” I asked confused, as I started picking up the entree plates from the Chef’s counter, “What sunset?”

“Look outside!” Continue reading